Dear Stupid boy,
"I hate your stinking guts
you're like the scum between my toes
you make me vomit..."
I have a strong urge to write this.
For all the stupid boys out there who have no boundaries, the heartless.
and if the shoe fits, well?....DO BETTER
My first and major point to this is .... why lie? most importantly why lie to a FEMALE.
Did you know that the female intuition is 99.7% always right.
I'm sure you didn't ... but now you do. So DON'T DO IT.
I cannot stress enough that 9/10 times if a female is asking you a question it's because she already has the answers and screenshots to back out all of the lies... DON'T DO IT.
Why is it so difficult to be honest?
If you're going to hurt someone you might as well hurt them once and say the damn truth.
The truth hurts... but at least it's the truth.
One bad lie turns into a million bad lies and suddenly you're drowning in a big pool of lies and it's impossible to breathe because prior to starting your lying spree you never learned how to swim
(hence: NEVER BEING HONEST) so you find yourself forever drowning. DON'T BE THAT PERSON.
One of the worst feelings ... is believing in someone only to find out it was all a lie.
Why ruin something that was going so perfect.
And to do it to not one but two women, makes it a million times worse.
Couldn't you just have picked one? Like they do in the Bachelor.
(The Bachelor is a reality show that i'm obsessed with. Where 20+ girls compete for the love of ONE guy and in the end he picks one girl and they get engaged, perfect fairytale ending, right?)
EXCEPT in this scenario no one signed up to be a part of the show.
When exactly were you planning to "choose"?
How long can someone keep lies like this going?
It's terrifying to realize just how good people can become at lying.
It also serves as a lesson.
A painful one.
Nonetheless, a lesson that no one deserved.
Not when the love was genuine.
It's easier to say "I hate you" but that's just the immaturity and pain talking.
Even a stupid boy like you deserves love...
One day you'll look back and realize that the "stupid boy" could have been "the lucky man" had he just made up his mind.
Had he not played himself.
Had he been honest.
You see ... it may be easier, it may be more thrilling to be the stupid boy when you're in high school and when you're weighing in your options (do I want the hot blonde or the weird brunette .. hmm?)
But NOT when you're old enough to know better.
NOT when the two individuals involved are exceptional women.
NOT when you're aware that you are breaking two hearts.
If you are one of the stupid boys ... I hope you find peace with yourself.
I hope YOU learn.
I hope YOU grow up.
I hope YOU learn to value the meaning of love.
of transparency .. of honesty.. of trust.
of what being an equal partner means.
"Life is already difficult.
Relationships should make it easier.
Yet too often we choose relationships that complicate it" ....
If you have been a victim of a stupid boy. LET THEM GO.
Lies are not a sign of love.
Betrayal is not a sign of love.
Pain is not a sign of love.
Don't be that girl that lets a stupid boy take their shine. You deserve the world and a diamond ring.
Not a bag filled with empty promises.
If you keep hearing about this "crazy ex" chances are ... he's giving her reasons to act crazy. Females don't go crazy for no reason. 9/10 HE'S the problem not her!
If you're the "crazy ex" and you keep hearing about the "girl who is always there" she's there because she is constantly given reasons to stay (and more than likely she's already in love).
My advice: TALK TO THE "CRAZY EX". TALK TO "THE GIRL WHO'S ALWAYS THERE". (if you care enough to know the whole story) ... and without drama of course.
We females need to stop blaming each other... and stand together. It's not our fault that the stupid boy acted like a stupid boy.
Lastly and most importantly stupid boy,
I want you to know that I do not hold any hate in my heart for you because you lied..
However, I have lost the respect and admiration I had for you because you made me believe.
I don't understand why someone would make you fly so high only to drop you without a parachute nor a fair warning.
You may have been telling the truth, you may actually love me (or not) in your own sick way.. you may actually love her (or both).
Who knows? Who cares.
All I know is I will never trust you again.
This is my goodbye to you stupid boy
I left your shirt in the trashcan in an empty hotel room and I took my heart with me.
Despite everything I will NOT allow you to change my heart nor take my spark.
I wish you the best in this cold happy strange world.
I love you,
your pretty lady
I was excited for you for a very long time, then as you approached I became terrified.
25, am I supposed to be married by now?
am I supposed to have it all figured out by now?
I thought I would be .. back when I was 15. It all seemed so easy. It all seemed to make sense,
Who created these unrealistic statistics? Why did I believe that it was the "norm"?
Well simply because their was probably a time period where by 25... you were married.. you had kids... and you "somewhat" had it all figured out.
Or at least that's what they made it out to be.
Truth is, I am a true millennial.
I don't have it all figured out.
I rely on social media... to feel better about myself (not always but sometimes).
and marriage is so far fetched from my actual reality it is laughable to even talk about what kind of wedding dress I want... (although I still fantasize about it).
This is my reality:
I am a 25 year old ....
Who.. hates responsibility but has taken care of herself for as long as I can remember (with support of family and friends).
Who.. falls in love deeply and gets hurt a million times (but never gives up on it).
Who.. dreams big and always tries to look at the bigger picture.
Who.. believes people can change.
Who.. is insecure yet confident.
Who.. loves books, classical music, writing, and wine.
Who.. loves to go on walks without a set destination.
Who.. loves being surrounded by loved ones.. but enjoys being alone.
Who.. isn't afraid of getting lost.
a 25 year old who is still learning, growing, and making mistakes.
I started writing this the night before my birthday.
I was crying hysterically ... Why I'm not sure.
It's just age why was I so caught up in my emotions?
My guess is because it goes deeper than just age.
Until your 21st birthday everything is pretty much structured for you ... you follow the unspoken guidelines (well at least I did. I was never one to break rules).
This is somewhat how my structure is going:
At 15 I was finally allowed to have a boyfriend and wear eyeliner.
At 17 I graduated HighSchool and moved out of my parents home.
THIS IS WHERE THE CONFUSING PART OF LIFE BEGINS (for most of us).
At 18 I was enjoying the freedom, the college life, the clubs.
At 21 I was doing everything I was doing at 19 but in a 2.0 version.
At 22 I was lost and confused.
WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE... ?WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?!
At 24 I was living my best life and learning so much about myself.
At 25 ....... that's another story to tell.
The whole point to this post... is that it's okay to feel afraid.
It's okay to feel.
It's okay to cry (for no reason sometimes).
Just don't sit on those feelings for too long. Move on and do something about them.
I have to constantly remind myself that WHO CARES what other people are doing.
Keep up with your own pace. Be happy with your own life and stop competing.
Life isn't a competition. We need to stop being our own worst enemies.
Success isn't measured by comparing bank accounts..
it isn't measured by how single you are or how in love you are.
It's all internal.
Love yourself, do the right thing, take long baths (with bath bombs), read good books, drink good wine...
and remember after 21.... age is nothing but a number !!
Thank you for reading my rambling,
I love you all
Lets talk love languages
Based on my observations I've realized that I write and upload the most when I am:
A: alone with a lot of time on my hands
B: sad/ upset
C: all of the above
With that being said I'd like to apologize for my lack of writing ...
I've had drafts sitting on my website waiting for me to post but I just wasn't content with what I'd written. I preferred to delete and start from scratch on a different topic that has been sitting on my mind for some days.
Once again, thank you for sticking with me and my inconsistency ... it means THE WORLD TO ME.
BTW (by the way), this blog is officially two years old :)
Let's get started.
My entire life .. I've been obsessed with love.. but it's never made much sense to me. Recently, I discovered that love is a language and you have to learn how to speak it in order for things to flow... believe it or not not everyone speaks the same love language.
All together theirs a total of 5 love languages :
Everyones order is different (the way it's listed above are my actual results).. theirs an online quiz that you take to figure out which love language speaks to you the most ..
I've taken the quiz twice and my results have shifted based on my lifestyle.
Let's brake them down.
I know you're thinking...
"GIRLLLLL they're pretty self explanatory", well yeah, but they all have a few things we can all learn from, myself included.
For the sake of not having to speak in third person the entire post (it drives me crazy) I'll be applying each love language directly to my life and you can do the same as you read along.
Time is one of the few things we can NEVER get back... so when someone decides that I am worthy of their time, I am grateful and appreciative. It makes me feel loooved.
You can tell me all day long how much you "miss me" but if you're not going to show up in the middle of the night and knock on my window.... that I miss you has little to no affect on me.
Nothing tells me that someone loves me more than some good old quality time. By quality time I don't necessarily mean it has to be an entire day.. or that I want you next to me 24/7, no no... quality over quantity.
Acts of Service:
I NEVER and by never I mean NEVER wash my car. My family knows this ...
I once left my car at my parents house when I was gone on vacation.. upon my return I returned to a spotless car. This was my dads way of telling me he loves me and I heard that loud and clear.
Acts of service can be a bit tricky... because love doesn't have to be a "well if you love me you have to wash my car" type of thing... the act has to come from the heart... if it's done simply because we keep asking (or nagging) then it has a different approach and it's not always a positive one.
The way I see this is ... you do something without expecting anything in return ... but if something is done for you.. pay it forward. It's a win win for everyone.
Love is a balance... one side can't always be the one holding all the weight down (it'll get tired eventually).
Words of Affirmation:
Words have always been just that for me.. WORDS. Words can have little to no impact on a person depending on the way you choose to express them.
If you're constantly making plans with me and bailing last minute ... an "i'm sorry" or "I will make it up to you"... solves nothing.
"I will make it up to you" are simply words with no attached actions so all it is to me is a blank statement with false hope.
However, whether I like to admit it or not, words do have power. As a female getting the occasional reassurance of an "I love you" means a lot after having a long day. Or hearing the words "I'm proud of you" can make a huge difference on how I'm feeling.
Again, it's all about how you say it and when you say it. It's also important to speak from the heart and be genuine... always genuine.
Believe it or not ... not all of us are huggers (I am).
Growing up in a hispanic household means saying hello and goodbye to a full house of aunts and uncles with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Good luck to you if you're the last one to arrive. to the party... lol.
Physical touch doesn't necessarily have to be a sexual touch.
Most of us express our love and affection to friends and family by a simple hug. When someone close to us is going through a tough time .. sometimes the only way we can express our love is through a hug and sometimes that's all they need.
In a relationship hand holding is a huge deal for me. It shows the perfect amount of affection without giving off too much. Every time I see and elderly couple holding hands... it melts my heart.
I've never been a materialistic type of girl and at this point I don't think I will ever be.
However, receiving or giving gifts doesn't have to break your bank account.
When I travel I typically am not one to go souvenir shopping (i'd rather spend 97% of my time sight seeing)... but if I see something that reminds me of someone and I know it will make them happy, I feel the need to make the purchase.. because of the feeling I will get by giving the gift.
A gift symbolizes that at some point someone was thinking about you and it was in their heart to give.
I don't believe that giving or receiving gifts should be the only reason to stay with someone.
Gifts can't feel the void of an empty heart.
"You can speak all 5 love languages to your significant other.... but if you're not speaking to them in their primary love language... chances are they don't feel as loved as they should"
(this is one of the quotes that stood out to me the most from the entire book).
No matter your relationship status I suggest you take the quiz and figure out your love language. If you're in a relationship I suggest you make them take the quiz as well... learn to speak each others love languages.
9/10 I can assure you if you guys are struggling it will make you stronger. If you're not struggling it will only make things better.
Call me a hopeless romantic... but I believe in all things love.
Again, thank you, thank you for joining me to talk about love.
I love you guys,
A hopeless romantic
NOTE: All of my research is from a book I read by Gary Chapman "The 5 Love Languages for Singles"
this book breaks down all the languages in perfect detail. I recommend EVERYONE to pick one of these books up it's definety worth the read. You can take the quiz prior to reading the book
PS: if you take the quiz you should share with me your love language... !
Also, he has different versions of this book for different individuals (check them out)!
Let's tacobout' love
"Are good guys really extinct or are we simply pushing them away?"
I've asked myself this question multiple times within the last week and I cannot find a solid answer. So .... as I do best, I'll sort my feelings out in a very quiet place so the world can read.
Yes, I know, here I go talking about love and feelings all over again. Truth is, I am a hopeless romantic. I'll talk about wanting to find love while I'm as single as a dollar bill and I'll talk about being in love whenever it is that love comes my way.... that's just me!
So let's do it ... LET'S TACOBOUT' LOVE.
Let's start with what I define as a "good guy"... my definition may be very poor compared to others but here it is:
.... truthfully the list can go on and on.. but we all get it.
Honestly, no girl is really looking for Mr. Perfect.. if someone was to give me a magic wand and say "ALONDRA, today is the day you'll create your perfect man"... i'd create the ideal man for me and two weeks later i'd be asking for the same magic wand to make some adjustments..... (that was a bit exaggerated but y'all get my point). As humans we are constantly changing and if you started dating your significant other during your younger years chances are you both have evolved together or grown apart, it's part of life.
So, back to my question .. are the good guys extinct? or are we pushing them away in hopes of finding someone better?
What is better?
Better for me .. is not necessarily a more successful guy vs someone who doesn't have it all figured out. Nor someone who's better looking.
Better is ...
... someone who I cannot wait to see just seconds after leaving their side.
... someone who I don't necessarily have to talk to 24/7 but I know I can always call when I'm excited about something or upset about another thing.
...someone who I can do nothing with and it'll feel like the best day ever.
...someone who I can travel with for the rest of my life and never get sick of or simply go on target runs just because.
Of course most of these things are just part of the "honeymoon phase" but being the hopeless romantic that I am .. if I don't feel that from the beginning .. it won't happen .. and I won't force it.
I've ran into a couple of good guys within my recent years of dating .. and although they could have been perfect... i'm in search of my "better".
I guess the answer for me is simple... "Good guys AREN'T extinct ... I'm simply pushing them away in hopes to find my "better ".
This brings me to my second question:
"How much time do you WANT to waste?!"
I'm not by any means considering love to be a waste of time.
However, the dating world does come with constant ticking bombs... some of us know we only have two seconds left of the bomb before it explodes so we let it go... others see the timer and they keep finding temporary solutions to stop the bomb from going off.
But no matter how hard you're trying you know in the back of your mind that the bomb is going to explode...
This is where the question comes up: HOW MUCH TIME ARE YOU WILLING TO WASTE when you see the timer go off? A week, a month, two years, five?! ...
When is it enough?
Is it always worth it?
Do people really change?
Does it get better?
I can't speak for everyone but most of the time the answers all lead to the same answer. NO, LET IT GO.. MOVE ON.
but that's just me.
The reason why all of this has been on my mind recently is because in search of my "better" I have found myself being a lot more picky and straight to the point with whoever it is that comes into my life.
I feel like that is how it should be. If people would start being honest and straight up with feelings less people would get hurt and more people would start moving on...
If you're honest with a person and they decide to stick around... at that point you handed them the ticking bomb and its up to them if they want to hold onto it.
But if you're stringing someone along so both of you can be miserable together... that's not okay.
Which brings me to my last question:
Would you rather be alone and happy? or miserable with someone?
Although the obvious answer would be alone and happy....
I find it's easier said than done. After all .."misery loves company"
Why? because the mentality is .... how do I know I'll be happy alone? what if it's worse?
Short answer to that is ... it'll only be worse if you want it to be.
So join me and stop settling and we can all find our better together. Theirs lots of wine, coffee shops, and exploring involved.
If you don't find your better... just know that at least you'll find yourself, just as I have.