Lets talk love languages
Based on my observations I've realized that I write and upload the most when I am:
A: alone with a lot of time on my hands
B: sad/ upset
C: all of the above
With that being said I'd like to apologize for my lack of writing ...
I've had drafts sitting on my website waiting for me to post but I just wasn't content with what I'd written. I preferred to delete and start from scratch on a different topic that has been sitting on my mind for some days.
Once again, thank you for sticking with me and my inconsistency ... it means THE WORLD TO ME.
BTW (by the way), this blog is officially two years old :)
Let's get started.
My entire life .. I've been obsessed with love.. but it's never made much sense to me. Recently, I discovered that love is a language and you have to learn how to speak it in order for things to flow... believe it or not not everyone speaks the same love language.
All together theirs a total of 5 love languages :
Everyones order is different (the way it's listed above are my actual results).. theirs an online quiz that you take to figure out which love language speaks to you the most ..
I've taken the quiz twice and my results have shifted based on my lifestyle.
Let's brake them down.
I know you're thinking...
"GIRLLLLL they're pretty self explanatory", well yeah, but they all have a few things we can all learn from, myself included.
For the sake of not having to speak in third person the entire post (it drives me crazy) I'll be applying each love language directly to my life and you can do the same as you read along.
Time is one of the few things we can NEVER get back... so when someone decides that I am worthy of their time, I am grateful and appreciative. It makes me feel loooved.
You can tell me all day long how much you "miss me" but if you're not going to show up in the middle of the night and knock on my window.... that I miss you has little to no affect on me.
Nothing tells me that someone loves me more than some good old quality time. By quality time I don't necessarily mean it has to be an entire day.. or that I want you next to me 24/7, no no... quality over quantity.
Acts of Service:
I NEVER and by never I mean NEVER wash my car. My family knows this ...
I once left my car at my parents house when I was gone on vacation.. upon my return I returned to a spotless car. This was my dads way of telling me he loves me and I heard that loud and clear.
Acts of service can be a bit tricky... because love doesn't have to be a "well if you love me you have to wash my car" type of thing... the act has to come from the heart... if it's done simply because we keep asking (or nagging) then it has a different approach and it's not always a positive one.
The way I see this is ... you do something without expecting anything in return ... but if something is done for you.. pay it forward. It's a win win for everyone.
Love is a balance... one side can't always be the one holding all the weight down (it'll get tired eventually).
Words of Affirmation:
Words have always been just that for me.. WORDS. Words can have little to no impact on a person depending on the way you choose to express them.
If you're constantly making plans with me and bailing last minute ... an "i'm sorry" or "I will make it up to you"... solves nothing.
"I will make it up to you" are simply words with no attached actions so all it is to me is a blank statement with false hope.
However, whether I like to admit it or not, words do have power. As a female getting the occasional reassurance of an "I love you" means a lot after having a long day. Or hearing the words "I'm proud of you" can make a huge difference on how I'm feeling.
Again, it's all about how you say it and when you say it. It's also important to speak from the heart and be genuine... always genuine.
Believe it or not ... not all of us are huggers (I am).
Growing up in a hispanic household means saying hello and goodbye to a full house of aunts and uncles with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Good luck to you if you're the last one to arrive. to the party... lol.
Physical touch doesn't necessarily have to be a sexual touch.
Most of us express our love and affection to friends and family by a simple hug. When someone close to us is going through a tough time .. sometimes the only way we can express our love is through a hug and sometimes that's all they need.
In a relationship hand holding is a huge deal for me. It shows the perfect amount of affection without giving off too much. Every time I see and elderly couple holding hands... it melts my heart.
I've never been a materialistic type of girl and at this point I don't think I will ever be.
However, receiving or giving gifts doesn't have to break your bank account.
When I travel I typically am not one to go souvenir shopping (i'd rather spend 97% of my time sight seeing)... but if I see something that reminds me of someone and I know it will make them happy, I feel the need to make the purchase.. because of the feeling I will get by giving the gift.
A gift symbolizes that at some point someone was thinking about you and it was in their heart to give.
I don't believe that giving or receiving gifts should be the only reason to stay with someone.
Gifts can't feel the void of an empty heart.
"You can speak all 5 love languages to your significant other.... but if you're not speaking to them in their primary love language... chances are they don't feel as loved as they should"
(this is one of the quotes that stood out to me the most from the entire book).
No matter your relationship status I suggest you take the quiz and figure out your love language. If you're in a relationship I suggest you make them take the quiz as well... learn to speak each others love languages.
9/10 I can assure you if you guys are struggling it will make you stronger. If you're not struggling it will only make things better.
Call me a hopeless romantic... but I believe in all things love.
Again, thank you, thank you for joining me to talk about love.
I love you guys,
A hopeless romantic
NOTE: All of my research is from a book I read by Gary Chapman "The 5 Love Languages for Singles"
this book breaks down all the languages in perfect detail. I recommend EVERYONE to pick one of these books up it's definety worth the read. You can take the quiz prior to reading the book
PS: if you take the quiz you should share with me your love language... !
Also, he has different versions of this book for different individuals (check them out)!
Let's tacobout' love
"Are good guys really extinct or are we simply pushing them away?"
I've asked myself this question multiple times within the last week and I cannot find a solid answer. So .... as I do best, I'll sort my feelings out in a very quiet place so the world can read.
Yes, I know, here I go talking about love and feelings all over again. Truth is, I am a hopeless romantic. I'll talk about wanting to find love while I'm as single as a dollar bill and I'll talk about being in love whenever it is that love comes my way.... that's just me!
So let's do it ... LET'S TACOBOUT' LOVE.
Let's start with what I define as a "good guy"... my definition may be very poor compared to others but here it is:
.... truthfully the list can go on and on.. but we all get it.
Honestly, no girl is really looking for Mr. Perfect.. if someone was to give me a magic wand and say "ALONDRA, today is the day you'll create your perfect man"... i'd create the ideal man for me and two weeks later i'd be asking for the same magic wand to make some adjustments..... (that was a bit exaggerated but y'all get my point). As humans we are constantly changing and if you started dating your significant other during your younger years chances are you both have evolved together or grown apart, it's part of life.
So, back to my question .. are the good guys extinct? or are we pushing them away in hopes of finding someone better?
What is better?
Better for me .. is not necessarily a more successful guy vs someone who doesn't have it all figured out. Nor someone who's better looking.
Better is ...
... someone who I cannot wait to see just seconds after leaving their side.
... someone who I don't necessarily have to talk to 24/7 but I know I can always call when I'm excited about something or upset about another thing.
...someone who I can do nothing with and it'll feel like the best day ever.
...someone who I can travel with for the rest of my life and never get sick of or simply go on target runs just because.
Of course most of these things are just part of the "honeymoon phase" but being the hopeless romantic that I am .. if I don't feel that from the beginning .. it won't happen .. and I won't force it.
I've ran into a couple of good guys within my recent years of dating .. and although they could have been perfect... i'm in search of my "better".
I guess the answer for me is simple... "Good guys AREN'T extinct ... I'm simply pushing them away in hopes to find my "better ".
This brings me to my second question:
"How much time do you WANT to waste?!"
I'm not by any means considering love to be a waste of time.
However, the dating world does come with constant ticking bombs... some of us know we only have two seconds left of the bomb before it explodes so we let it go... others see the timer and they keep finding temporary solutions to stop the bomb from going off.
But no matter how hard you're trying you know in the back of your mind that the bomb is going to explode...
This is where the question comes up: HOW MUCH TIME ARE YOU WILLING TO WASTE when you see the timer go off? A week, a month, two years, five?! ...
When is it enough?
Is it always worth it?
Do people really change?
Does it get better?
I can't speak for everyone but most of the time the answers all lead to the same answer. NO, LET IT GO.. MOVE ON.
but that's just me.
The reason why all of this has been on my mind recently is because in search of my "better" I have found myself being a lot more picky and straight to the point with whoever it is that comes into my life.
I feel like that is how it should be. If people would start being honest and straight up with feelings less people would get hurt and more people would start moving on...
If you're honest with a person and they decide to stick around... at that point you handed them the ticking bomb and its up to them if they want to hold onto it.
But if you're stringing someone along so both of you can be miserable together... that's not okay.
Which brings me to my last question:
Would you rather be alone and happy? or miserable with someone?
Although the obvious answer would be alone and happy....
I find it's easier said than done. After all .."misery loves company"
Why? because the mentality is .... how do I know I'll be happy alone? what if it's worse?
Short answer to that is ... it'll only be worse if you want it to be.
So join me and stop settling and we can all find our better together. Theirs lots of wine, coffee shops, and exploring involved.
If you don't find your better... just know that at least you'll find yourself, just as I have.
I wanna be a